Bullying

For a variety of reasons bullying has been on my mind lately. One reason is that I am a parent and it seems to come with the territory of parenting to have to worry at times about the possibility of my children being bullied.  It can be especially worrisome when you live a society like Japan where the “square peg” gets hammered down. And since my children, for obvious reasons, don’t blend in quite so smoothly with the highly homogenous society we live in here, it has been my fate to watch and pray that they will not become victims of those bullies who cannot squelch their fear of someone “different.” This is not to say that bullying doesn’t happen in other countries. It most certainly does and for similar reasons—fear of “difference.” Different behavior, different thinking, different looking, you name it. Any difference can be a catalyst for the fear that drives the bully to strike out.  In fact, the US Government has dedicated an entire website to the identification and prevention of bullying http://www.stopbullying.gov/index.html  . Bullying is a phenomenon without borders.

As a person who has a long history of teaching teenagers and young adults at the high school and university level, I believe I have seen my share of bullies. I have seen countless cases of students dropping out of school or sports. I have sat in the health room teaching students individually who couldn’t enter their classroom.  I have seen the sad consequences of the loneliness and emptiness felt by people who felt they had lost all reason to live.  I have seen death.

My most recent encounter with bullying is as follows:

A new high school student who had entered the top public high school in his prefecture began his school year with high hopes. He joined his favorite sports team, knowing that as one of the youngest students he would probably never have a chance to play, at least not for the first year. But, soon he knew that far beyond not being able to play, he would have to put up with the relentless mental and physical abuse dished out by the older team members.  He walked the halls of his school in fear. The older team members took to calling the younger ones out at lunch time to heap more abuse on them. After one such incident, 3 of the boy’s friends quit the team.

One of the boys who quit the team told his parents. They contacted the school. The school took a survey of the younger boys asking what had happened to them.  I don’t know if the boys answered honestly on the survey or not, but the bullying continued without any noticeable action by the school teachers or administration. 

The boy tried to take the harassment. He didn’t want to let down his friends who were still taking the abuse. But the boy couldn’t take it any longer. He stood enduring the mental and physical pain and enduring the crying of his friend next to him until finally he thought he would lose it and attack the older boy who was hovering over them.

That night he didn’t go home. He contacted his parents and said “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I can’t keep doing this. I have to quit.”  When he finally returned home the next evening, he told his parents everything. He begged his mother not to say anything to the school, but she knew better. She knew that others would be hurt if she kept quiet.  

He is back to school now, but only because there is a light at the end of the tunnel for him. He will be leaving that school soon, sad to say goodbye to his friends, but relieved to be free from the bullies.

And people who hear this story say, “I never thought that school would have such problems. After all, it’s the top school in that prefecture.” Some say it is “tradition” to start off the school year tough on the younger boys. I say it is bullying and it is teachers and administrators turning a blind eye to it.  We must stop pretending that there is “gray area” with regards to bullying. If someone is being hurt, whether physically or mentally, it is wrong. It’s as simple as that. There is not gray area or fuzzy lines. It is black and white. It is wrong.

And as educated people, we must use our brains and our education to the advantage of the bullied. If we don’t, we are no better than the bullies themselves.